Aunt Anticipation

Last night we received news that I am an aunt again! I began acting like a little girl the night before Christmas! I wanted so badly to meet the new bundle of joy and try and catch some of the sensation of the moment.

Since I wasn’t yet invited I began trying to occupy my time with other things….so I started planning my funeral. Yes, I know it may sound weird, but for those that know me….I plan. I am a planner. It’s what I do. I LOVE to plan and why wouldn’t I plan my funeral? I figure it’ll save my loved ones the agony of having to figure out what on earth I want. It’s been said that weddings & funerals bring out the worst in families. I figure I am saving them from additional heart ache so that they can focus on, well, me and the blessed event. :)At any rate, in my quest to figure out where I should begin we received a call from the newbie parents who needed a few snacks, I anxiously volunteered to be the deliverer. As I got to the hospital bearing gifts of food my heart was pounding in my chest and I was filled with joy. Just being in the same room as the birthing party made me giddy.

I remember dancing a little jig as I washed my hands because I could not contain myself. As I sat trying to figure out why I was jumping out of my skin, I realized that I was genuinely excited for mom and dad and couldn’t believe baby #2 was here, but mostly because mother got to experience that high, that feeling that can’t be described in any way shape or form. Those moments where you connect heaven and earth, it’s positively amazing and I wanted a piece of it.I savoured every detail trying my best to live vicariously through the moment. I instantly wanted to have another baby! Mind you, my youngest is not yet four months old, but I miss that feeling. It’s like an addiction. I wanted that new birth-high so badly.

What makes matters worse is that I have been praying to know if we are supposed to have any more kiddos and I have not received an answer…as the obsessive compulsive planner that I am, it’s driving me crazy. Everyone says it’s too early to know because I still have a newborn, but I knew she was coming by the time my son was 6 weeks old!